Liquid Nitrogen Cocktails

I’ve been meaning to write about The Bazaar by Jose Andres at the SLS Hotel for weeks now, but words have escaped me. There’s nothing like it in L.A. — or anywhere, for that matter. It’s the closest thing you will find to Vegas on the coast, the Cirque du Soleil of culinary adventures and a total sensory overload. Call it performance dining. The only place I’ve been that rivals its down-the rabbit-hole quality is Green T. Living in Beijing. Both are visual feasts, with settings that outshine the food but make the dining experience a magical, mystical journey — especially for people with ADD. The only problem is that element of surprise is ephemeral. I’ve been twice, and my second experience was not nearly as thrilling. The place gives you a fabulous sugar high the first time you see it, but sugar highs wear off.

Philippe Starck, with his quirky sensibilities, has his fingers all over SLS, as does owner Sam Nazarian. The Bazaar is designed like a three-ring circus, with two tapas restaurants on the left, one traditional and one modern, called Rojo y Blanco (the colors match the names). They’ve got a wonderful jamon (ham) bar serving the formerly banned jamon iberico, and tapas ranging from the most traditional (simple but delicious tomato on toasted bread) to the most experimental molecular gastronomy creations. We’re talking syringe-like pipettes of mozzarella you squeeze into your mouth with a cherry tomato and a liquid olive served on a spoon that’s the consistency of an over-easy egg yolk, solid on the outside, pops on your tongue. Foam is clearly the chef’s friend. Whether you sit on the modern or traditional side, you can order from both menus. Caricature artists and fortune tellers entertain on weekends.

Jamon Bar

In the center ring is Bar Centro, which has a more limited menu of caviar, raw bar selections and a few tapas. Except for the predictable crowd of Beverly Hills babes, this place is crazy cool. Individual movie screens are embedded into a communal table in the center. There are all kinds of eclectic nooks and crannies with unusual furniture where you can sit and eat, surrounded by screens that morph monkeys into men and giant crystal-like light installations that scream 80s retro chic. Waiter/performers roll around carts featuring liquid nitrogen cocktails that smoke like a science experiment and cotton candy machines used to wrap the sugary pouf around foie gras on a stick. Behind that is the whimsical patisserie with its twisted (like it melted) white chandelier, featuring desserts on display under precious glass containers, even chocolate pop rocks. Yes, we’re talking the kind that killed Mikey.

Making Cotton Candy Foie Gras

The third ring of this bizarro world is a museum-like emporium from Moss with edgy and offbeat high-design trinkets. Lots of twig/woodsy themes, which are in now, a Dutch Delight dildo, golden pigs, finger puppets of recently deceased celebrities, including Heath Ledger — you know, the usual. Judging from the prices on display at Moss and the tab it must have taken to design this place, it’s clear the concept of a recession was nowhere in evidence when The Bazaar was planned. If you need an escape from reality, this is the place to be. And yet, the food prices are not nearly as bad as I expected. Tapas plates are small, so you have to watch what you order or the tab does add up, but there are dishes you can buy for $4 and $5.

Jamon Plate

And how is the food? I’m not sure it merits the Four Stars the LA Times lavished upon it, but I certainly had some delightful dishes during my two visits. The Spanish chef, star of the public TV series “Made in Spain,” owns several D.C. restaurants and trained under the master culinary experimenter, Ferran Adria of El Bulli in Spain. He helped popularize tapas in America, and for that, we thank him.

Jose Andres

Victor’s favorite dish was the Philly cheesesteak, which was like a pastry — they call it “air bread” — with gooey cheese and Kobe beef in the center. They have a veggie version, too, with mushrooms called a “Hilly cheesesteak.” My sister, Gretchen, currently on a veggie diet, gave that one a thumbs up, too. I’m a fan of the bite-sized caviar and salmon roe cones and all the cured hams. And my friend Jan looked orgasmic while eating the foie gras cotton candy (only $5).

The group’s favorite dish might have been one the waitress recommended, which I probably would not have ordered otherwise, the jicama wrapped guacamole with micro cilantro and corn nuts. I’m not a cilantro gal, but this dish was crunchy and packed with flavor, a real winner. I also recommend the gambas al ajillo (shrimp and garlic), the Japanese tacos of grilled eel, shiso leaf, cucumber and wasabi, as well as the tomato and mozzarella pipettes, which just made me happy. The watermelon and tomato skewers are also juicy and refreshing, and the olive is awesome, if you like olives, which I definitely do.

Paella

Victor raved about the paella with shrimp, which he described as “rich and hearty.” I thought it was passable, nothing spectacular, but big enough for a table of four to share, which was nice. The wrinkled potatoes are also a good bet for a big group. The name makes the dish sound downright awful, but these tiny potatoes are cooked in seawater, soaking up the salt. I love salty. They come with a dip of parsley, cilantro, garlic and olive oil. The spinach dish with apple, pine nuts and raisins was also a highlight.

Andres is into old-time canning, although the canned dishes are actually made fresh daily so it’s more of a serving shtick. I was underwhelmed by the canned crab and mussels. The flavor was a little bland. Jan was also disappointed with her mushroom soup, which she said tasted like Campbell’s. Vic and I had a sip and thought she was being a tad harsh, but hey, it was her soup. I would also skip the carrot dish. My sister said it wasn’t worth mentioning. I know there was a steak dish and a tuna dish that I enjoyed, but their names and exact details escape my alcohol-sodden memory. Hey, it was my birthday dinner. I wasn’t taking great notes. (The sangria, by the way, is terrific.) After dinner, they lead you to the patisserie for dessert, where we had fun squeezing a capsule of chocolate into our mousse filled with pop rocks.

Watermelon and Tomato

After my first visit to The Bazaar, I felt all sparkly and shiny, like I was floating. It was definitely one of the most exciting dining experiences of my life. By my second visit, I felt like Dorothy after Toto pulled the curtain back on the Wizard of Oz. The service, unfortunately, was way off that night. The table next to us, which sat down after we did, got at least two dishes before our drinks or any scrap of food arrived. By the time our first dish finally appeared, I was starving. We had to remind them to bring our drinks at that point. Not good. I felt like Estelle on “Seinfeld” describing dinner with George’s would-be in-laws: “We were sitting there, like idiots,  drinking coffee without a piece of cake!”

The pushcarts were also missing in action that night, but we ordered their tasty delights anyway. Unfortunately, our servers forgot to bring the cotton candy foie gras and caviar cones. After the meal ended, we had to remind them.  And this place got four stars? Where was the magic of my first visit? There’s no question The Bazaar is a must-see spot, especially for people who are into design. You can pretty much wander around for an hour and stay amused. The place has a kitschy sense of humor, and it’s fun. Whenever out-of-towners visit, I’m sure I will bring them to experience the insanity. However, the restaurant should not rest on its LA Times review, especially in this economy. They need to concentrate on the basics like service so locals will keep coming back. The hip place today can easily turn into the has-been of tomorrow. Keep the magic alive and serve the food on time. — Jenny

The Bazaar at the SLS Hotel, 465 South La Cienega Blvd., Beverly Hills, 310-247-0400

We checked out two new tapas and wine bars last week, Bar Pintxo in Santa Monica and Vinoteque in Culver City. Both were festive, yummy and fun, albeit with completely different menus and vibes. Bar Pinxto is a Spanish-style tapas bar from one of my favorite neighborhood chefs, Joe Miller, of Joe’s in Venice. We stopped in after work one night to have a drink and a bite with Kelly Liken, chef-owner of her eponymous Vail, Colo., restaurant, who was in town for a Bon Appetit photo shoot. (Look for her to be singled out as a young female chef of the moment in an upcoming issue.)

We ordered a whole slew of tapas and platos to share, including the jamon iberico, which was only recently allowed into the country and which we believe should be renamed jamon fantastico! Our other favorites were the paella with blood sausage and chicken, which managed to taste rich and yet feel light; the juicy gambas al ajillo (shrimp in garlic), and croquetas de pollo y jamon (chicken and ham).

In the solid but not spectacular category, we put the chorizo and fried quail eggs. Full disclosure, we may have let get too cold before trying it. Hey, we ordered a lot, and they delivered it all at once. The esparragos blancos con romesco (white asparagus with red pepper aoli) was cool and refreshing but lacked the zest I was expecting. I’m shocked to report that none of us cared for the dates wrapped in bacon with cabrales cheese. Grubtrotters readers know how much we love bacon, but as Liken pointed out, it tasted a bit too smoky. We also had a bland flatbread special that we didn’t order, even though the waitress insisted we did. As for the wines, we could have done without the 2004 Ostatu-Crianza Rioja Alavesa that our server suggested. It was too light for our taste, but we very much enjoyed the bolder 2005 Canopy Malpaso Mentrida. Bar Pintxo was pretty crowded, and the benches are hard and backless, but this is a great spot for a fast bite and a nice glass of wine after a day at the office.

Vinoteque was our Saturday night pick. The location was a bit surprising. We figured it would be in the heart of what’s happening downtown in Culver City. The owner helped found the Bottlerock wine bar there. Instead, Vinoteque was way off the beaten path, on Sepulveda near an ice rink and a Taco Bell. With live jazz music and low lighting, it feel like a small nightclub for the vino crowd. A very uniform vino crowd. In fact, five women at one table wore nearly identical black and white patterned dresses. Just about all the ethnic diversity in the joint was provided by the band.

Our friend Rob joined us, and initially we sat at a wobbly little table in the bar area. They fixed the wobble, but the tiny table just didn’t have room for the dishes we ordered and drinks for three. Luckily, a couch space in the lounge area opened up after somebody failed to show. (Be sure to make a reservation if you want to eat in comfort.) We enjoyed the charcuterie plate and the Mideast Burger enough to order seconds of each. The Mideast Burger is actually a juicy, sausage-shaped lamb kefta on top of homemade pita with a honey-harissa yogurt sauce. The Grilled Truffle Cheese on Breadbar bread was a bit dry, but the Grilled Spring Onions and Peas in a romesco sauce with Spanish Garroxta cheese was flavorful, with onions that were nicely charred. There’s also an extensive cheese menu, but we skipped it. Not in a cheese mood. Our first wine selection was a light Italian red, a 2003 Borgo di Colloredo Molise Rosso that just didn’t do it for us. But they give a small discount for pairing certain wines with dishes so why not try a glass? We asked for a taste and then switched to a bottle of 2005 Huntington Petit Syrah, which was affordable and solid.

Bottom line, if you’re hungry and looking for good food, Bar Pintxo has a much wider selection. If you want more of late-night bar experience, with wine specials projected onto screens and just enough grub to cure the munchies, bypass the Taco Bell and head over the Vinoteque. — Jenny